Envy. An emotion that occurs when a person lacks something that another has and wishes to possess it, to have it. Envy is one of the Seven Deadly Sins. According to Wikipedia, "envy is the pain or frustration caused by another person having something that one does not have oneself." - One word that is different from the other word jealous, which, according to Wiki again, is the fear of losing something to another person (a loved one in the prototypical form).

So are you an envious being? I am. Infact, I think I am easily envious of many things many people have. I might envy those who are richer or have their own cool gadgets like a laptop, hand-held games, bigger room, own bathroom, etc. etc. But rarely is my envy something materialistic. What and whom I envy are those who have natural talents or beauty or both brains and brawn put together. And I am also easily jealous.

If you think you do not envy anyone, or have never envied before, think again. It is only natural for humans to feel so; to become a green-eyed monster every once in a while. It is an emotion we possess. More still when we are in a competitive world. However, it is an emotion we should keep under control. To be envious, is to sin. When you envy, you tend to hate. And if there is no further control, that hate may turn into wrath (which is also in the list of the Seven Deadly Sins). That wrath may lead to something else.

So change this envy into kindness or admiration. If the other is better than you in something, don't dwell in self-pity or in Envy's chokehold. You might be better than the other at something else. Everyone has their own strengths. For all you know, someone else might be envying or admiring you for something you can do well. Let go of Envy and its desires and be confident in you.

"Let us not be conceited; let there be no rivalry or envy of one another."- Galatians 5:26

For months I have gotten to know you and I slowly fell in love. My heart, which I kept so guarded, was taken away from its jail and landed up in your palms. But we were too young to start, we both knew it. So we danced around each other instead, randomly playing with each other's feelings. Yet we got closer. And one day I asked you out.

Our first date, something I will never forget. How can I when I loved you terribly so? I have been meaning to ask you to be mine for sometime. However, my fear overtook me and stopped me from doing so. And that day… that day I finally found courage to help me. You said you would think about it. My hope fell. Were you thinking of rejecting me? Why do you have to think if you love me so? For those few days, I was restless, silently praying for the best. I tried to study your actions but that only filled my head with more worries. Oh Samantha, the day you said yes I was so relieved! And I was overjoyed.

This love for you grew, Samantha. It grew and I did not care. Did not see where this would go, did not think about it. All I knew is that I was happy and I felt lucky having you. For years I have waited for you, Samantha. And I finally have you. The arguments that came, I did not pay much heed. After all, what kind of relationship does not have arguments or disagreements? I knew more about you, your talents, your fears, your thinking. I started thinking like you too. I started to be one with you. I did not know how this love would turn out, Samantha.

That day when we broke up over a stupid argument was the day that shattered me. It shattered us both. We did not even get a few things straight. You left with my heart and I was left with a head full of questions. My veins were then filled with anger and depression. Wasn't I good enough? Shouldn't I have done that? Perhaps I could have stopped the break up. Why did I only think about it when everything is over? And you even filled me with the hope that maybe we could get back together again. I was so ready for it. I waited for you like waiting for rain in the desert. My love for you was not broken yet.

Before I realised it, my love turned into obsession over you. You seemed to be doing better than me, Sam. I followed the news about you. I knew where you went, I read about your growing talents. How you became a model to how you were growing as a singer. Your pictures are amazing and your songs are great. I knew your talents would get you far someday. I was happy when you called to ask me how I was. Despite your busy schedule you did not fail to know about your old flame. At that time I couldn't help thinking, "Am I still your flame?"

Unfortunately you disappointed me again and again. I found that you had so many fans, so many suitors, and so many admirers. What am I compared to them? When I needed you, you weren't there. You were busy with your work; practically married to it. And like a foolish man waiting for water to fall from the sky in the desert instead of looking for it, I was slowly dying of thirst.

One day I finally decided I can't do this to myself any longer. I tried to break my habit; my obsession with you. And like a blind man who had just gotten new eyes, I slowly adjusted to my surroundings; my life without you, without being blinded anymore. No doubt, I still look forward to hearing your voice, to seeing your face, to have you smile at me, but I began to let those go, one by one. Obsession is a hard thing to get over.

Then I met her. She makes me smile again, Sam. I'm even laughing for real! You can't imagine how free I feel, released from your binding chains. It feels like I have been underwater for too long and am now taking my first breath of fresh air. She is nothing like you. Not as pretty as you, but I find her beautiful. Not as talented as you, but I can see something growing.

"Come out and spend time with me, Jake."

Why do you want to patch things up now? Of course I don't feel for her what I felt for you. Not yet anyway. Don't look at me that way, Sam. I am happy now and I am cured off my blindness. Or so I think. There will always be this small space for you in my heart. But other than that, I am moving on. Would a blind man go back to being blind again, Sam?

I am running ahead in this race and I wish you well.

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there. To serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become.

You never know who these people may be but when you lock eyes with them, you
know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.
And sometimes things happen to you at the time that may seem horrible,
painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming
those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, will
power or heart.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of
good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer
stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small
tests, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere.
Safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet affect your life. The successes and downfalls that you
experience can create who you are, and the bad experiences can be learned
from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones.

If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them because
they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious
to whom you open your heart.

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they
love you, but because they are teaching you to love and to open your heart
and eyes to little things. Make every day count.

Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can,
for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let
yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high.

Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a
great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in
yourself, no one else will believe in you. Create your own life and then go
out and live it.

"If you take your eyes off your goals, all you see are obstacles."

Look to the left, look to the right, and you'll find your friends beside you. But are they with you? In your world? They can't be... because they're in theirs. No one really understands... no one can understand what is it you are going through. You sit in the dark, wondering, pondering, what's happening now? No one cares now. You're all alone with that insistent dark cloud over your head. Everyone else is moving, not caring, not noticing. You're just watching.

Just a person behind a glass window, outside in the pouring rain, looking in.