When I set my pen on paper, or my fingers to the computer keyboard, I feel free. Free to express, free to create. It is my world, a world where I can control as much as I like, run free as much as I like.
But I'm not like that in real life. My courage, my thousand and one words comes only when I have a medium, and that medium is writing. Then again, what happens when there's a limit to how much you can express? When you know that you cannot reveal everything, yet wanting the reader to know something. When feelings and ideas run too complicated and deep that you can barely grasp at the words that come by.
Writing is limited, but the Mind, limitless. So many things in just 5 seconds can happen in the mind, but with 5 seconds, I can only manage to type one sentence. I love writing, but I wish, there was something that can bring out a thought in an instant.
Constrained, the Self pulls itself back from where the Heart wants to be. Information from the Brain has told the Mind to lock up the Heart before damage could be done. It was locked, pacing and anticipating its release.
Day by day, its hope slowly diminish and its gait becomes of a low pace. Soon, out of luck, an urgent matter. Either it was a real necessity or the Heart had managed to manipulate its way out, the place the Heart wants to be soon became tangible. And how perfectly tangible it was.
It felt as if, after a long, long while, thirst was quenched by the refreshing waters from the mountains. The Heart had been released and away, away, with great speed, it goes to where it wants to be. How warm, how contented it was. A moment of bliss, of joy- a rarity to gain, the hardest to maintain. How it loves the place that it wants to be. A simple joy turned great.
If only, if only... the Heart could stay where it wanted to be. But the visit was short, the joy, brief. Soon, the Heart was pulled back again, to be put in the cells that once again, hold it captive.
Inside a person there is a Mind to help the body move and make decisions. The Mind has two assistants reporting to it. First, there is the Brain; to rationalize and make sure that the decisions are the right, logical ones. Second, there is the Heart so that whatever hard, logical thinking and conclusion the brain makes, it is balanced out with the factor that some decisions just need moral grounds, a little compassion and empathy.
A battlefield exists when the Mind's assistants clash against one another. The Brain holds one stance, and the Heart holds another. Sometimes the Mind knows which side is better. Based on the situation, the Mind will favour either the Heart over the Brain, or the Brain over the Heart. It is a simple conclusion.
However, when both the Brain and the Heart fight to have their opinions accepted by the Mind, the Mind gets confused. On one hand, Brain has been logical and has listed down the pros in listening to it. On the other hand, the Heart screams that the logics does not matter than there are other things more important than just tangible pros and cons from the Brain.
When the Mind chooses the Heart, the Brain very quickly points out several destructive flaws. When the Mind switches to support the Brain, the Heart very aggressively fights back and prove, with bravery and persistence, the Mind is not ready to handle what the Brain has to offer. And so the battle continues with the Brain and the Heart.
In this battlefield, it seems to me, the Heart may win.
Be not afraid of wearing more bright coloured clothings. Polka dots, sequins and colours that are almost neon are a must!
Knowledge, knowledge, knowledge in both spiritual and the world. I shall not have a stunted mental growth.
Action, action, action. Knowledge is useless if it lies there in the brain without anything done with it.
Aim for a money worthy car. Remind self that owning a high end car is not really the priority right now. There are other things to do with that extra cash.
Organizing and planning skills. Being less indecisive and careless would help save a lot of time.
Save the heart for someone who really matter, but it doesn't mean pushing people away.
Trusting my intuition on people instead of other people's perspective. Most of the time people tell me this and that about the other person when my intuition tells me otherwise. In most cases, my intuition turns out right. Learning to trust my own judgement is definitely something that needs work.
Health and Sleep. I have neglected you in 2012, I will try my best to treat you better in 2013.
Do something about my boring hair.
Finish what I started years ago. Ideas and writing shall not go to waste.