Mobile Phones. Ever remember when and how you learnt how to use them? The first time you figured out how to call a person, the first time you knew how to save a contact, the first time you learnt how to send a text message and last but not least, the first time learning how to leave a voice message? I couldn't remember how I had manage to gain knowledge of using the phone, but I do remember very well my first time encountering leaving a voice message. And it isn't a memory I'm very proud of.

I couldn't remember exactly what age I was but I was very young; about the range of 5 to 9 years. My family were out doing I don't know what. They left me at home alone most probably because I told them I'll stay at home and take care of the house (at that age I felt really good being independent). I am, afterall, a "big girl". I always loved being praised as "big girl". I have no idea why.


Anyway, back to being home alone. It got to a point where my single-story house felt too lonely and too empty. So I decided to call my father to see when he'll be back. The phone rang and rang and rang and no one answered. And finally, a nice lady voice operator took up the phone! Below is a result of what happened.

Phone: [Ring...Ring...Ring...] This is the voice mail box of 012xxxxxxx. Please leave a message after the tone. Beep!


Young Me: Huh? Wait! I don't know how to leave a voice message...


Phone: [No reply]


Young Me: Can you tell me how?


Phone: [No reply]

Young Me: [Thinking] This mobile phone lady isn't friendy at all. [sigh] [put down phone]

I am not sure whether the young me told the voice mail box lady if I'm lonely or not. I really hope not. Later in the day when my parents came back, my father was very amused. He came to me with an amused smile and said, "What do you mean you don't know how to leave a voice message? Just talk like that lah."

I didn't understand what he meant at that time. Now, I do. Very, very crystal clear. Oh, how embarrassing!

Emoticon from Emoodicon

Don't you guys love to have this much money to spend? XD

Is money really everything? Think about it. Without money, you have no way of survival, especially when prices of products and services nowadays are getting higher and higher. Living expenses get higher, the poor get poorer, the rich get more worried and those who can afford it are able to get into universities for a good education to ensure in the future that they have a good job. Those who can't, drop out of school and start working their way up the corporate ladder. For some people, especially capitalists, money is power. With money, you get to control the politicians (for spreading their messages and vote posters through the media, they need lots of money which comes from sponsors). Once you get to control the politicians, you get to control the government. And with the power to control the government, you get to control the society. So in that way, money is power. So really, in this aspect, money is everything.

Or is it? One thing people seem to ignore is the fact that to get money, you need to sacrifice your time. You need to work, you need to spend less time away from the social world. So great, you are earning money! But for what? Most people would say for future use, for the family, for luxury. But then the question comes again; how long will you work? Will you slog and slog to have your family live a better life? Yes? Will they be happy? Are you happy? With the time spent working and slogging, what are your family and friends doing during that time period? They can't just freeze in time for you while you go and earn the money to bring luxury into their lives. With that long time spent working, do you think your family knows you well? Do you think they love you? Oh, they definitely love your money and know your money well. Very well. What about yourself?

I know of a man who had worked so hard, night and day, for the sake of his family. So that his children will have good education, so that his wife enjoy life like a tai tai, so that his home is as comfortable and as luxurius as it can be. In the end he got really sick, unable to keep track of his health, and realised then that it was too late to bring back lost time. A question he asked before was, "I worked so hard, but for what?" Really. What for? For the sake of his family so that they don't have to suffer like poor people? Is that all they get? Is that it? The time he could have spent with his family, the memories he could have made, the things he could have thought his children... all went away with the time he spent slogging to earn that great income that'll bring luxury. And I could tell you, that high aim of earning money, at the end of the day would mean nothing if you did not balance out your life.

Afterall, the main reason why we earn money for is for survival. Am I right? And if you say that there is a big difference between the life of the poor and the life of the rich, I say you are mistaken.

Poor little poor people.


Take an example of a poor man. He has a job that earns him an income just enough to put food on the table and support his family of four. Sometimes, he would have to eat instant noodles so his family has things to eat. But after work, he comes back, he spends time with his wife and kids, he talks with them, watches the TV... is this man suffering? Eating instant noodles instead of better food other families with more money get to enjoy? Is this man sad? Most probably, this man is happy that he had earned the money himself and managed to put food on the table for his family. Even if he had to wash dishes to do it, or mop floors, or sell used cans and bottles. At the end of the day he would beam and say something like, "I washed this much plates and earned this much money and that's how I got the food on the table." To top it off, he has the time to spend with his family. So watch his kids fight, to help his wife with house chores, to relax in front of the TV and maybe wrestle for the one and only remote in the house.

Now take another example of a rich man. He has a great BMW car, a big bangalow, good food on the table. He has a high income of more than 4k. But then, when he gets his pay at the end of the month, he has to worry about paying electricity bills, car installments, debt of the bangalow, installment for his shiny Rolex watch, money for healthy food, money for this, money for that, in the end he is just left with a quater of his salary. In the end, he still just manage to get food on the table and survive on a daily basis. Then back he goes again, to work for MORE money that will bring him a MORE comfortable lifestyle and MORE time gets sacrificed.

The rich and poor are exactly the same. The difference is just that the rich eat more luxurious food.

Money... money you can earn anytime. As long as you have able hands, able legs, as long as you know how to wash dishes, clean the floor, as long as you have the will, you still are able to earn the money to survive.

But the time with something non-materialistic, like your family, that is lost can never be regained again. This is because time will not wait for you. Once it's gone, it's gone. I'm not saying that you have to drop work and stay at home forever and ever bonded with your family, holding them tight til the end of your life. What I am saying is, to be obsessed over money and to think money is everything, your priorities might be mixed up. True, money can get you many things. And if you are rich enough, it can buy you power. True, once you are sick you can go get the best hospital in the world but that would only buy you maybe 1 to 5 years more of your life. However, money like all the other materials, is just a form of object. It comes and it goes. You can get money whenever and where ever. Money cannot ultimately guarantee you lifelong happiness. And eventually, it runs out.

To me, money is a necessity. But it is not everything.

What about you?

Don't you just love those before and after pictures? I've seen many, many before and after pictures of weight loss, before and after pictures of pimple/acne loss, before and after pictures of hair gain as well as before and after pictures of make overs... but what happened to the before and after pictures of hair styles, especially hair colours? Well, dear readers, I've got them right here.

Introducing, our very own model, Kien (after all, what model uses her own real name?)!!!

Former dark brown hair.

New red highlighted hair packed with vampy grin.

And these are the only SS* pictures that will be shown to you. Stay tuned for MORE SS articles, coming in perhaps 3 months time... or never!

*SS= Self-shot

Phew! Finally I can get some rest. Two weeks are gone and what have I been doing in these special two weeks? College! Yea!

Okay, so for most of you who don't know, I'm studying in Sunway University College (if you don't know where is that, google the map of Selangor) and it's super freaking expensive. A pen that cost 70cents is tagged RM1, the cheapest food you can find here is a small piece of banana cake which cost 80cents. Otherwise, sandwiches and bigger portions of food are RM2 and above (except for Nasi Lemak but that is always out of stock.) So enough about the amazing prices of Sun-U, I am taking a course which has a super long name: Canadian Matriculation Program (CIMP). It's quite good, really. I like the people in my class. Friendly, helpful... and rich! Okay, no, I'm not looking at their rich part, just commenting that they are rich.

Anyway, first day of class I met two very nice people. Since then we've been spending our lunch time together and everything. I also met a girl who has the same sir name and almost same chinese name as me! I sit with her almost every class. Haha. Besides that, this is the break down of my schedule for a whole week:

Monday to Thursday: College from 8:30am to 4pm

Back home: If a Monday and Wednesday, from 4pm til 7pm I could do a darn thing I want.. But most probably sleeping. Then it's off to teaching kids until 10. (I feel so old). When I get home I got to rush up doing my homeworks, then it'll be around 11-12 when I sleep.

Friday: Morning free, night teach.

Saturday: 1pm-2pm piano class. The rest, depending on my mom.

Sunday: Church! And Sunday Class! Then I'm FREEEEEEEE.... Then it's back to Monday :(

How's CIMP like? Hmm... too early to tell. So far I'm only studying 2 subjects this sem. Maths and English (by the way the English is a Grade 10 standard but seems kind of hard *cries*). Orientation day, English Test. First day, English Test. A week after, BIG ENGLISH TEST. Which is today =) Exam lasted from 9am til 3:45pm. My brain was rotting itself in the AC room. So freaking cold.

Okay, so now I get to the point of this post. So after exam, I found out it was early for me and my friend finishes at 6pm. I didn't want to wait that long so I told him I'll go home myself (my car is parked in the college). Then I realised I'm completely broke, with no money to pay for the expensive parking and toll. 'Kay so my friend told me he'll lend me some money first, find him in the computer lab. After getting five bucks from him, I tried to walk out of the lab. Notice the word tried. The door wouldn't open. I looked up at the sensor, with my "What are you doing to me??" eyes and waved at it. Still didn't open. I walked a few steps away from the door and walked to it again. Nope, not opening. Then I turned behind and I saw this guy walking towards the door, stopped right at the door and it opened. What the.... Man I was so embarrassed. Do doors have a thing agaisn't me?

What did I do after that? Instead of saying a sweet "Thank you" to my saviour, I just chuckled shyly and rushed out of there. AM I TOO SHORT??! Geez. Dumb computer lab door.

There are times when we make mistakes. There is this time, when we make that one little mistake, and everything just crashes. There's no turning back, no delete button, and it just stays floating in front of your eyes with its taunting smile.

I am tired. I am tired of mistakes. I am unable to control the chemistry that runs through my body, unable to realise the impending danger up ahead. I am tired of myself; sorely disappointed. I made others disappointed in me.

Do you see this shell? Do you think you can read everything that lies beneath? Know the secrets? Know the behaviour? Know the habits? Even if you think you know almost everything, something still lurks underneath. When the time comes, it rises up, grabs hold of its victim and try to bring the victim down as far as it could go. Then it simply vanishes into thin air.

All I can only say is the word "sorry". Which I know, to you, does not mean much anymore. Too many sorries. Too little solutions. If there is anything I can do, I would prefer it if my mistake just slice me open, and let me bleed in open air, vulnerable and almost lifeless.