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So my laptop has this speech recognition thing. I am now currently using it to type this post and it is pretty cool because I don't need to type. Talk about laziness. I can literally control what goes on on this laptop with my voice. Of course there are some disadvantages when the laptop does not recognize what I'm saying. Sometimes it gets a little frustrating because it would not listen to my commands no matter how much I try to say it right.
I'm still trying to get used to it though. From the time I started writing (or more accurately dictating) this post, there has been a lot of mistakes! I constantly had to correct those mistakes which actually waste more time. For example, the word ‘which’ came out as ‘reach’ and I had many of these mistakes with this speech recognition program.
Well, I am supposed to be studying right now and I should go.
But first I think I want to take a nap (it is going to rain and for those who know me well, you know what it means)
Toodles!
Just a slight intermission between updates. Just so I can have a chance to blab out stupid insecurities, nonsensical ideas, and probably some disturbing facts. This won’t be anything else but rants and complaints. Okay so here goes.
I believe I might be close to a panic attack or a break down. Not the metaphorical, imaginative ones everyone talks about in times of stress and they are just saying it to relieve themselves, but the real one. You know, the one where you actually have physical symptoms and need some sort of technique or clinical help to calm you down?
I feel like I am so screwed right now. About a week from now, on the 29th of November 2010, final exams will be here. I have over 4 subjects to cover with about, I think, 12-14 chapters each and tons of journals to read through. I had started studying on the 2nd week of November, fooled around a bit (quite an understatement), and oh lookie, happy me, covered only 1 topic of 1 subject. I haven’t done any other. And oh goodness, the journal that I am reading right now never seems to end! Why can’t researchers just bloody get to the point?!
Every time I take a short break from reading or to do something (like what I am doing now), I feel like there’s this sense of impending doom. I’m doomed. I have this little stress that I carry in my head throughout the whole entire day and it doesn’t go away.
The worse is that after resting a little bit, when I look at the books, I feel like I just want to quit. I want to stop studying, stop working (which I will be doing later tonight), just stop everything and lie down and do nothing. Yup, nothing. I. am. so. tired. Geez, and classes keep going on even if lectures are over. Lecturers, PLEASE GIVE US A BREAK!
I am really not looking forward to 29th November, even if it meant exams are here and it will be over soon so that I can enjoy myself, because I am not ready. I feel like I’m the most not-ready-for-exam-student among all my friends (whom seem to be doing very well with their studying so far). I want a hug, I want to procrastinate longer, and I want everything that doesn’t deal with freaking finals.
And here I thought this would be a short post. Alright, time to go.
The superhero was always less seen nowadays. At one point when he was gone, the little girl went up to the mother and asked, "When is Papa coming back?"
Her mother, slender in body, hands worn and tried from housework, stopped her chore for a moment to look at the little girl clad in just her pyjamas and bare footed on that cool day. The lady's lips curved up in amusement.
"Soon," she told the little girl. Then, she continued on squeezing wet clothes from the red pail before her and hung them up to dry. There were more things to do after this; to sweep the house, to mop the floor, to cook a meal for her three children, to make sure that the little girl has her bath (for it was strange she dislike going to bath), to boil some water as well as prepare for tomorrow's breakfast for the children to take to school. Endless.
The little girl, not knowing this, still stood in front of her mother, waiting for something interesting to happen. Her mind wandered off to where her father was. She did not know where, but she knew it was quite far. And would he bring back toys like he did last time? Would he hug her? Would he tuck her in bed? She anticipated them. "I miss him," she said, and padded off away to play with her toys.
The slender lady, known as the little girl's mother, looked up from her work one more time to absent mindedly watch her little girl pull her bright yellow toy phone around. She sighed. Her husband was getting more and more busy lately, what with five mouths to feed and wanting a good education for the children. They were so lucky. But none of them realised it yet. She was certain though, that one day soon, they will know. Hopefully, she thought to herself, that one day will come soon.
By night, the family had dinner without the superhero. There were jokes and laughter thrown around by the mother and older daughter. But the little girl sat in silence, poking at the brocolli that looked like miniature trees, wondering when her superhero will be back.
By bedtime, it was the slender lady who tucked them all in. There were no stubles to tickle her, no goodnight kisses, and no fairytales.
The fan whirred at constant speed. The little girl lifted up her wide brown eyes to look at a man sitting opposite her, pot-bellied with a grim expression and focused on the television set. The couch beneath her was getting warmer, the clock showed that it was almost time for bed and she was certain she could not sit still a moment longer. And so she did not for she got up from the black leather couch and went to her room as quick as her short little legs would allow her to. Having reached into her cupboard, she pulled out a thick, hard cover book that was as big as her torso and then headed back to the living room where he man was still intently watching his movie.
"Papa, tell me a story," she asked of him. The man's eyes had finally lifted itself from the screen and down to the little girl hugging the big book, palms just a little too small to fit its width. The corners of his mouth lifted and amused was he of his little girl, he carried her, sat her unto his lap and put his arms around her. He helped open the precious book that was in her hands and turned to a story that he knew she had heard before.
"One day, there was a man whose wife had died and left him a daughter. He had remarried a widow who had two daughters of her own," he read. The little girl listened intently in silence to his low yet clear voice as she read along the text in the book. True, she had heard this before. Who would not have heard of Cinderella? She love though to simply be with him. By the time the story ended she was feeling drowsy. The book closed and she was brought to her room. The little girl gave the man a hug and he kissed her goodnight right after tickling her with his prickly stubble by rubbing his chin against her cheek. She had always giggled whenever she felt that prickly yet ticklish sensation on her skin. "Goodnight, sweetheart."
The day ended just like that. She was happy it was so. Her father, the strong superhero of a man, was the man she loved very much and she felt safe and secure just knowing he was there.
Here's something about restaurants you might want to know.
Who doesn’t love eating out? It’s great not to have to cook for yourself, but it can also be anxiety-inducing to think about someone else cooking for you. Just what happened to the food before it arrived on our table? Was the meat handled correctly? Did the cook wash his hands? Frankly, some of the common practices of the food service industry might surprise the average customer. I talked to some seasoned industry professionals to discover what words of wisdom they had about the behind-the-scenes scene at their favorite spot. It’s helpful advice, but best not to read on a full stomach.
1. Don’t Be the Last Table of the Night
Most servers complain about the party who walks in at five minutes ’til closing time, but what makes late-night dining ill-advised isn’t the inconvenience. Besides being a pain, it’s doubtful that the food will be very good. By the end of the night, the kitchen is in full clean-up mode, so entrées are more likely to be haphazardly thrown together than carefully prepared. They’re using ingredients that were prepped hours ago, and cooking them in ovens or fryers that contain the accumulated buildup of an entire night’s service. Sometimes chefs cook and clean at the same time, increasing the likelihood of your steak being sprayed with drain cleaner or particulates from the bleach they’re using to mop the floor. Photo: Cedric's Pics (cc)
2. Vermin Happen
Any place where food is stored is going to attract pests, and in large cities with older infrastructure (like Boston or New York), vermin are simply an unpleasant fact. Most restaurants battle against it every day, but it’s inevitable that sometimes customers are going to see a roach or a rat. Rare is the restaurant where they’re not at least an occasional problem. Even clean restaurants can attract pests, so seeing one isn’t an indictment against the restaurant’s cleanliness. Usually, if it doesn’t seem like the kind of place that would have bug problems, it’s probably a more-or-less isolated incident. Sadly, though, there are indeed restaurants where the pests seem right at home. Ben, from New York, says, “Customers should try not to freak out if they see something, and if they can subtly point it out to a manager or server, they’ll probably get a freebie or two.” Photo: Big Fat Rat (cc)
.... To read more, click the link below.
Five Secrets Restaurants Don’t Want You to Know - DivineCaroline
Who doesn’t love eating out? It’s great not to have to cook for yourself, but it can also be anxiety-inducing to think about someone else cooking for you. Just what happened to the food before it arrived on our table? Was the meat handled correctly? Did the cook wash his hands? Frankly, some of the common practices of the food service industry might surprise the average customer. I talked to some seasoned industry professionals to discover what words of wisdom they had about the behind-the-scenes scene at their favorite spot. It’s helpful advice, but best not to read on a full stomach.
1. Don’t Be the Last Table of the Night
Most servers complain about the party who walks in at five minutes ’til closing time, but what makes late-night dining ill-advised isn’t the inconvenience. Besides being a pain, it’s doubtful that the food will be very good. By the end of the night, the kitchen is in full clean-up mode, so entrées are more likely to be haphazardly thrown together than carefully prepared. They’re using ingredients that were prepped hours ago, and cooking them in ovens or fryers that contain the accumulated buildup of an entire night’s service. Sometimes chefs cook and clean at the same time, increasing the likelihood of your steak being sprayed with drain cleaner or particulates from the bleach they’re using to mop the floor. Photo: Cedric's Pics (cc)
2. Vermin Happen
Any place where food is stored is going to attract pests, and in large cities with older infrastructure (like Boston or New York), vermin are simply an unpleasant fact. Most restaurants battle against it every day, but it’s inevitable that sometimes customers are going to see a roach or a rat. Rare is the restaurant where they’re not at least an occasional problem. Even clean restaurants can attract pests, so seeing one isn’t an indictment against the restaurant’s cleanliness. Usually, if it doesn’t seem like the kind of place that would have bug problems, it’s probably a more-or-less isolated incident. Sadly, though, there are indeed restaurants where the pests seem right at home. Ben, from New York, says, “Customers should try not to freak out if they see something, and if they can subtly point it out to a manager or server, they’ll probably get a freebie or two.” Photo: Big Fat Rat (cc)
.... To read more, click the link below.
Five Secrets Restaurants Don’t Want You to Know - DivineCaroline
This is a dedicated post to my Psycho Family from Sunway University College. I appreciate you people loads, and when needed, you psychos are there. Now, to know about my psycho family, I shall need to inform you of all the members, starting from the very top.
Granny/Nana/Nanny Vanessa
She's the oldest (according to family rank), the most long winded, most detailed, most "ma fan" person I know. Also, she likes to over use quotation marks. Leave them alone, Vanessa!
Relax, granny, relax.
She's really cheerful and bubbly. Her laugh is contagious. It sounds like a wicked witch, but nicer. There's this one time when I was feeling really low to the pits. I checked my mail and there's this mail of hers with a link to her blog(!only those with researching background may attempt to read her blog!). It cracked me up and made me laugh. So thank you, Granny, for that bit of insanity and laughter. Besides her insanity, I do think she gives good advice as well. I've seen her in action. Therefore, find granny when you need some opinions; she's got loads.
Uncle Ian
He's granny's first son. He's the uncle that splurge and brings back stuff from China for the whole family. He talks a lot and have the most questions next to granny in lectures. He likes pretty and sexy chicks only (ahem, ahem). Just joking (= He likes all women.
Opps, did I flip the pancake too hard?
Did I tell you he likes cooking and designing? What a great uncle! Due to three particularly horrible incidents, some of us had to remind him during an exam, "Check your pockets!". He's always offering to get things for us when he goes China. One time he gave me a pocket mirror for my birthday because in class I was looking for a mirror. Thank you, uncle, for that.
Auntie/Sister Fizah
In the same rank as Uncle Ian, we have Auntie Fizah. Sometimes she acts like a younger child and she thinks she's our sister (we still call her aunty). The confusion is probably due to Mommy and Daddy picking her up from pasar malam and never really establishing her role in the family. Therefore, she has identity crisis.
Emo-ing...
Quite pretty for a pasar malam auntie, eh? She always like to emo. But nowadays, it seems she has dropped her emo habit because apparently, "I've been looking for a lost key to unlock my very tiny heart~~ Finally, I FOUND it" (Noor Hafizah, 2010). Sudah cite, mak cik. She's very caring. I remember when I was doing my assignment last minute (one day before due date) and then she lecture me because I haven't even started the Introduction/Literature Review. She gave me an SMS to remind me to start it and finish it. Next morning, get more scolding from her because I haven't finish it yet. Ganas oh this auntie.
Daddy
Note to Daddy: Do you know how hard is it to find good solo pictures of you? I was choosing between a drug addict picture and a picture of your serious face eating cake with cake clinging to the side of your head. After more searching, I gave up, and ended up choosing this horrible one:
Phantom of the Opera's Son
Old picture for the win! Muah ha ha ha! Hm... so about daddy, he's a very concerned daddy. Very fierce and like to scold people. But also very easy to bully because of his soft heart as well as his love for his family. He's creative and lecturers love his brain. They wanted to preserve it, but were agonized when he escaped from their evil plans to extract his brain and went to Korea in hopes they will forget about their plans in 1 year's time. However he failed to realize that his escape plan means leaving 80% of his family behind to fend off the evil lecturers' brain washing scheme. Oh well, at least we're still surviving and still sane... I think.
Mommy
Next to Daddy is of course, Mommy. She has this rabbit in her possession that I just want to pinch, scratch, claw and squeeze due to it's overload of cute-ness. It's a stuffed toy, of course. I will never do those to a live animal. Say 'No' to animal cruelty. She's just as cute as the rabbit.
How to say "I love you" in Korean?
She is very bright, like a star. Always smiling and happy, not bothering people with her problems. In some ways she is also a very blur Mom. I think this is due to her late night sleeps. Sleep early ah, Mommy! Old already need to take care of yourself more.
She likes cold jokes a lot which the children do not understand at all. There was this one time when she asked "What does Bunny do not like to eat?". Me and Arinah came up with different sorts of answers (e.g. carrot, meat), but in the end she said the answer was "Bun". Why? It is because of Bunny's name. After telling the answer, Mommy proceeded to giggle (syok sendiri). However, me and Arinah just stared at each other blankly. I think it took us more than 10 seconds to fully understand it. We ended up laughing not because of the joke, but because both of us had blank stares while Mommy remained delightfully happy with her clever joke.
The Triplets
Finally we get to be introduced to the highlights of the family; the triplets. Below is a picture of the three children in order of oldest to youngest (from left to right).
Arinah, Mei Li, and Me. Clickable.
Nothing much to say about us. Just that we are not normal, I think we need counseling. Arinah Kakak is trigger happy, she laughs non-stop for no reason. Mei Li Jie is a Depressed, Random, Lying Cat (inside joke) and I am apparently a Crab by day, Vampire by night (wth). I do not know why I am the last. It is really sad. I will always get bullied by the other two. But I still love my sisters. *insert big happy smile here*
Here is our family tree that we (the triplets) made:
Slowly figure out which balloon is who
That's all about my lovely Psycho family. The ones who stuck with each other through thick, thin, long and short. Remember our karaoke sessions; how we made Daddy sing "Barbie Girl"? Remember when we wanted to strangle the person who hurt Arinah? Remember the night in the train and that we wanted to send someone off to Thailand? Remember we were so hard working on climbing 300 steps in Langkawi just to reach the waterfall and when we reached, thought that wasn't the place and climbed some more? Remember who broke the bed in Penang and who looked so p-r-e-t-t-y with make-up on? Remember whose facial expressions was so expressive and thoughts were so abstract? Remember who thought that the girl in the mirror was someone else? Remember who was so hardworking in getting to know some pretty ladies *winkwink*? Hehehe.
I hope that by reading this, all family members will smile on your sad days and have a laugh on the good days.
xoxox's.
Granny/Nana/Nanny Vanessa
She's the oldest (according to family rank), the most long winded, most detailed, most "ma fan" person I know. Also, she likes to over use quotation marks. Leave them alone, Vanessa!
Relax, granny, relax.
She's really cheerful and bubbly. Her laugh is contagious. It sounds like a wicked witch, but nicer. There's this one time when I was feeling really low to the pits. I checked my mail and there's this mail of hers with a link to her blog(!only those with researching background may attempt to read her blog!). It cracked me up and made me laugh. So thank you, Granny, for that bit of insanity and laughter. Besides her insanity, I do think she gives good advice as well. I've seen her in action. Therefore, find granny when you need some opinions; she's got loads.
Uncle Ian
He's granny's first son. He's the uncle that splurge and brings back stuff from China for the whole family. He talks a lot and have the most questions next to granny in lectures. He likes pretty and sexy chicks only (ahem, ahem). Just joking (= He likes all women.
Opps, did I flip the pancake too hard?
Did I tell you he likes cooking and designing? What a great uncle! Due to three particularly horrible incidents, some of us had to remind him during an exam, "Check your pockets!". He's always offering to get things for us when he goes China. One time he gave me a pocket mirror for my birthday because in class I was looking for a mirror. Thank you, uncle, for that.
Auntie/Sister Fizah
In the same rank as Uncle Ian, we have Auntie Fizah. Sometimes she acts like a younger child and she thinks she's our sister (we still call her aunty). The confusion is probably due to Mommy and Daddy picking her up from pasar malam and never really establishing her role in the family. Therefore, she has identity crisis.
Emo-ing...
Quite pretty for a pasar malam auntie, eh? She always like to emo. But nowadays, it seems she has dropped her emo habit because apparently, "I've been looking for a lost key to unlock my very tiny heart~~ Finally, I FOUND it" (Noor Hafizah, 2010). Sudah cite, mak cik. She's very caring. I remember when I was doing my assignment last minute (one day before due date) and then she lecture me because I haven't even started the Introduction/Literature Review. She gave me an SMS to remind me to start it and finish it. Next morning, get more scolding from her because I haven't finish it yet. Ganas oh this auntie.
Daddy
Note to Daddy: Do you know how hard is it to find good solo pictures of you? I was choosing between a drug addict picture and a picture of your serious face eating cake with cake clinging to the side of your head. After more searching, I gave up, and ended up choosing this horrible one:
Phantom of the Opera's Son
Old picture for the win! Muah ha ha ha! Hm... so about daddy, he's a very concerned daddy. Very fierce and like to scold people. But also very easy to bully because of his soft heart as well as his love for his family. He's creative and lecturers love his brain. They wanted to preserve it, but were agonized when he escaped from their evil plans to extract his brain and went to Korea in hopes they will forget about their plans in 1 year's time. However he failed to realize that his escape plan means leaving 80% of his family behind to fend off the evil lecturers' brain washing scheme. Oh well, at least we're still surviving and still sane... I think.
Mommy
Next to Daddy is of course, Mommy. She has this rabbit in her possession that I just want to pinch, scratch, claw and squeeze due to it's overload of cute-ness. It's a stuffed toy, of course. I will never do those to a live animal. Say 'No' to animal cruelty. She's just as cute as the rabbit.
How to say "I love you" in Korean?
She is very bright, like a star. Always smiling and happy, not bothering people with her problems. In some ways she is also a very blur Mom. I think this is due to her late night sleeps. Sleep early ah, Mommy! Old already need to take care of yourself more.
She likes cold jokes a lot which the children do not understand at all. There was this one time when she asked "What does Bunny do not like to eat?". Me and Arinah came up with different sorts of answers (e.g. carrot, meat), but in the end she said the answer was "Bun". Why? It is because of Bunny's name. After telling the answer, Mommy proceeded to giggle (syok sendiri). However, me and Arinah just stared at each other blankly. I think it took us more than 10 seconds to fully understand it. We ended up laughing not because of the joke, but because both of us had blank stares while Mommy remained delightfully happy with her clever joke.
The Triplets
Finally we get to be introduced to the highlights of the family; the triplets. Below is a picture of the three children in order of oldest to youngest (from left to right).
Arinah, Mei Li, and Me. Clickable.
Nothing much to say about us. Just that we are not normal, I think we need counseling. Arinah Kakak is trigger happy, she laughs non-stop for no reason. Mei Li Jie is a Depressed, Random, Lying Cat (inside joke) and I am apparently a Crab by day, Vampire by night (wth). I do not know why I am the last. It is really sad. I will always get bullied by the other two. But I still love my sisters. *insert big happy smile here*
Here is our family tree that we (the triplets) made:
Slowly figure out which balloon is who
That's all about my lovely Psycho family. The ones who stuck with each other through thick, thin, long and short. Remember our karaoke sessions; how we made Daddy sing "Barbie Girl"? Remember when we wanted to strangle the person who hurt Arinah? Remember the night in the train and that we wanted to send someone off to Thailand? Remember we were so hard working on climbing 300 steps in Langkawi just to reach the waterfall and when we reached, thought that wasn't the place and climbed some more? Remember who broke the bed in Penang and who looked so p-r-e-t-t-y with make-up on? Remember whose facial expressions was so expressive and thoughts were so abstract? Remember who thought that the girl in the mirror was someone else? Remember who was so hardworking in getting to know some pretty ladies *winkwink*? Hehehe.
I hope that by reading this, all family members will smile on your sad days and have a laugh on the good days.
xoxox's.
Look, I don't know what is it that I'm searching for. Things that once I thought I was passionate about, felt good about, now just seem to pale in comparison. But even the things that I felt weren't good, still felt uncertain and definitely not likely to change my view point of it.
Case in point. I thought that hanging out with a certain someone (let's name this someone A) whom was so passionate and detailed about things was something good for me. I'm not like A- so thick faced, so brave and so determined to change for the better. I wanted to be more like that because I'm just too timid for my own good and I wanted to be better. Initially it felt great and what a refreshing change. Building myself as a more controlled, more disciplined, more structured person. However, when time went on I felt a little suffocated. I felt that A was always nitpicking on things, never giving it a rest, always moving and pushing. I felt a little burned out. Then there are times when the "goodness" went against my thinking and my insides start to rebel questioning, "Should it really be that way?" And then I did what I was not supposed to do; I completely turned away from this passion that I wanted and ended up just slacking.
On the other hand, I have friends from B whom are wild, free and do whatever they liked. I smile and laugh when I'm with them, but inside I felt afraid. What if we go too far? What if, what if, what if? They said things I don't agree with, they do things I'm afraid of. Yet, I still continue coming, as if they were my pack of cigarettes.
What is it that I'm searching for? Psychotherapists will say, I've reached inequilibrium- contradicting myself, confused.
Maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places.
Case in point. I thought that hanging out with a certain someone (let's name this someone A) whom was so passionate and detailed about things was something good for me. I'm not like A- so thick faced, so brave and so determined to change for the better. I wanted to be more like that because I'm just too timid for my own good and I wanted to be better. Initially it felt great and what a refreshing change. Building myself as a more controlled, more disciplined, more structured person. However, when time went on I felt a little suffocated. I felt that A was always nitpicking on things, never giving it a rest, always moving and pushing. I felt a little burned out. Then there are times when the "goodness" went against my thinking and my insides start to rebel questioning, "Should it really be that way?" And then I did what I was not supposed to do; I completely turned away from this passion that I wanted and ended up just slacking.
On the other hand, I have friends from B whom are wild, free and do whatever they liked. I smile and laugh when I'm with them, but inside I felt afraid. What if we go too far? What if, what if, what if? They said things I don't agree with, they do things I'm afraid of. Yet, I still continue coming, as if they were my pack of cigarettes.
What is it that I'm searching for? Psychotherapists will say, I've reached inequilibrium- contradicting myself, confused.
Maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places.
So I'm quite interested in personalities (this is what made me go into Psychology). I came across a few famous tests and one that I mostly measure myself with is the MBTI Jungian typology. Turns out, I am an INFP. Go take the test out of fun or when you're free.
The Romantic (the Four) --> sometimes they call this the Artist.
Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.
How to Get Along with Me
Then came the Enneagram types. I used to think that the enneagrams are just too complicated for me to understand. We're being categorized in numbers and there are wing types and everything. I couldn't understand, thus paid no attention. But lovely Hui Lin the genius managed to understand it completely and I tried taking the test. It was still confusing because out of all the many enneagram tests I've taken, I was first a type 9, then a type 4, and lastly a type 2. Which is really quite frustrating because it seems as if I have multiple personalities. However, this is simply because we are not stuck to one type, but use a combination of all these personality types and make the us we are today. We are not set into a certain type. That's why everyone's unique in a way.
So I tried to find out which type I was most dominant in and using statistics, out of four tests, I've got two results which labelled me as a type 4. Below is a brief description of the Type 4.
The Romantic (the Four) --> sometimes they call this the Artist.
Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.
How to Get Along with Me
- Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.
- Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.
- Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.
- Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.
- Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!
- my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level
- my ability to establish warm connections with people
- admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life
- my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor
- being unique and being seen as unique by others
- having aesthetic sensibilities
- being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me
- experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair
- feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved
- feeling guilty when I disappoint people
- feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me
- expecting too much from myself and life
- fearing being abandoned
- obsessing over resentments
- longing for what I don't have
- have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original games
- are very sensitive
- feel that they don't fit in
- believe they are missing something that other people have
- attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.
- become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood
- feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce)
- help their children become who they really are
- support their children's creativity and originality
- are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings
- are sometimes overly critical or overly protective
- are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed
Honestly, these personality typology does not represent all of me truly, but are just general aspects of me. Neither would it do you. So are all these hype about knowing your personality useless and just for fun?
There are advantages in knowing who you are. First of all, you get to understand why you act the way you do and there is nothing wrong at all with you. Second, you get to realise what your weaknesses are and work on those to make you a better person you would like to be. Third, as for partnerships, you would get to know who you would not get along well with and could use this knowledge to either avoid the person or find another alternative way to make the relationship work. However, I strongly advice readers not to use personality typologies as a dating guide. As I said, not everyone is the same or stuck in a certain way. People change, adapt and can coexist well together even though it is said certain two individuals are just not for each other. Fourth, you know which line of work you have most satisfaction with. I believe that if we enjoy what we do, we can be successful and have less stressors in our life.
I used to walk around wearing this big junk of words strung into a very meaningful sentence inside my head and it goes like this:
"I HATE SMOKERS"
.
Especially the inconsiderate ones who smoke without a care in the world and forgetting that there are other non-smokers out there, sitting around them, trying to enjoy their damn meal! The worst is if you have a chain smoker right in the next table to you. Ugh!
But then I thought, that's not fair, some smokers are actually quite nice people. Yet I would still try my best to stay away whenever they bring out a cigarette. So I decided, that I would change the previous junk of words and reform it. It's now:
"I HATE CIGARETTES"
First off, the smell, GAWD the smell. It ranges from light to really pungent, but the smell is something I come to hate and wish it'd disappear forever. Not only that, the smoke smell would weave its way through my hair and cling to it. And I have such long hair which makes it even worse. I could smell the smoke in my hair even after I've walked away from the danger zone an hour or two before. I hate it when I have already washed my hair that day with nice smelling shampoo and conditioner, to only have it ruined by the pungent smell of cigarette smoke later in the day.
Also, if your solution for me is to wash my hair again, I will tell you why I don't want to go through the hassle. First, washing hair everyday makes my hair dry and it'll look like a mess of straw. Second, the smell does not go away even after I wash, rinse, and repeat. IT STICKS LIKE FREAKING SUPER GLUE. Usually I would need to wait until the smell wears off. It can stay on the whole day! This is one big factor that contributes to my hating cigarettes.
Another thing why I hate cigarettes, is that the second hand smoke can be more dangerous as the first hand. Simply put, to smokers out there, other people smelling your cigarette smoke that you puff/exhale out would be more likely to die faster than you! If you want to ruin your lungs, go ahead and do it, but please don't drag other people along with you. Be responsible, people! And when I hang out with smokers or have to share a place with smokers, my throat starts building up phlegm and I detest that feeling.
This next section of the rant is quite harsh as it is aimed not at the substance (cigarettes), but at particular users (smokers). Those of you who think smoking a cigarette is hot/cool/impressive, you need to find something new to impress people with. You only turn out to be smelly and your surrounding stinks; which means people (most probably girls) stay away from you. AND looking at the one you want to impress with a cigarette in your mouth will not make anyone normal melt at the sight of you!
If I could have a few wishes, one of them would be to wish cigarettes out of existance. OUT OF EXISTANCE!!!
Sigh, I will try to go wash the smell off my hair now.
Especially the inconsiderate ones who smoke without a care in the world and forgetting that there are other non-smokers out there, sitting around them, trying to enjoy their damn meal! The worst is if you have a chain smoker right in the next table to you. Ugh!
But then I thought, that's not fair, some smokers are actually quite nice people. Yet I would still try my best to stay away whenever they bring out a cigarette. So I decided, that I would change the previous junk of words and reform it. It's now:
First off, the smell, GAWD the smell. It ranges from light to really pungent, but the smell is something I come to hate and wish it'd disappear forever. Not only that, the smoke smell would weave its way through my hair and cling to it. And I have such long hair which makes it even worse. I could smell the smoke in my hair even after I've walked away from the danger zone an hour or two before. I hate it when I have already washed my hair that day with nice smelling shampoo and conditioner, to only have it ruined by the pungent smell of cigarette smoke later in the day.
Also, if your solution for me is to wash my hair again, I will tell you why I don't want to go through the hassle. First, washing hair everyday makes my hair dry and it'll look like a mess of straw. Second, the smell does not go away even after I wash, rinse, and repeat. IT STICKS LIKE FREAKING SUPER GLUE. Usually I would need to wait until the smell wears off. It can stay on the whole day! This is one big factor that contributes to my hating cigarettes.
Another thing why I hate cigarettes, is that the second hand smoke can be more dangerous as the first hand. Simply put, to smokers out there, other people smelling your cigarette smoke that you puff/exhale out would be more likely to die faster than you! If you want to ruin your lungs, go ahead and do it, but please don't drag other people along with you. Be responsible, people! And when I hang out with smokers or have to share a place with smokers, my throat starts building up phlegm and I detest that feeling.
This next section of the rant is quite harsh as it is aimed not at the substance (cigarettes), but at particular users (smokers). Those of you who think smoking a cigarette is hot/cool/impressive, you need to find something new to impress people with. You only turn out to be smelly and your surrounding stinks; which means people (most probably girls) stay away from you. AND looking at the one you want to impress with a cigarette in your mouth will not make anyone normal melt at the sight of you!
If I could have a few wishes, one of them would be to wish cigarettes out of existance. OUT OF EXISTANCE!!!
Sigh, I will try to go wash the smell off my hair now.
Jack Johnson is just awesome. His lyrics mean a lot, his melodies are cool. GO LISTEN TO THE SONG!!!
Now I was sitting waiting wishing
That you believed in superstitions
Then maybe you'd see the signs
But Lord knows that this world is cruel
And I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool
Learning loving somebody don't make them love you
Must I always be waiting waiting on you?
Must I always be playing playing your fool?
I sing ya songs I dance a dance
I gave ya friends all a chance
Putting up with them wasn't worth never having you
And maybe you been through this before
But it's my first time
So please ignore
The next few lines cause they're directed at you
I can't always be waiting waiting on you
I can't always be playing playing your fool
I keep playing your part
But it's not my scene
Wont this plot not twist?
I've had enough mystery.
Keep building me up, then shooting me down
Well I'm already down
Just wait a minute
Just sitting waiting
Just wait a minute
Just sitting waiting
Well if I was in your position
I'd put down all my ammunition
I'd wondered why'd it taken me so long
But Lord knows that I'm not you
And If I was I wouldn't be so cruel
Cause waiting on love ain't so easy to do
Must I always be waiting waiting on you?
Must I always be playing playing your fool?
No I can't always be waiting waiting on you
I can't always be playing playing your fool, fool
Now I was sitting waiting wishing
That you believed in superstitions
Then maybe you'd see the signs
But Lord knows that this world is cruel
And I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool
Learning loving somebody don't make them love you
Must I always be waiting waiting on you?
Must I always be playing playing your fool?
I sing ya songs I dance a dance
I gave ya friends all a chance
Putting up with them wasn't worth never having you
And maybe you been through this before
But it's my first time
So please ignore
The next few lines cause they're directed at you
I can't always be waiting waiting on you
I can't always be playing playing your fool
I keep playing your part
But it's not my scene
Wont this plot not twist?
I've had enough mystery.
Keep building me up, then shooting me down
Well I'm already down
Just wait a minute
Just sitting waiting
Just wait a minute
Just sitting waiting
Well if I was in your position
I'd put down all my ammunition
I'd wondered why'd it taken me so long
But Lord knows that I'm not you
And If I was I wouldn't be so cruel
Cause waiting on love ain't so easy to do
Must I always be waiting waiting on you?
Must I always be playing playing your fool?
No I can't always be waiting waiting on you
I can't always be playing playing your fool, fool
You have got a decent guy. Appreciate it.
Hearing these words, I really do thank God and appreciate it. A person who loves you, respects you and tries for you is really something special. We don't run into these kind of people everyday and anytime.
It is so easy to fall in love. One simple flattering word, one meaningful action, sweet sentences and apologies when things go wrong- they all are our love catalysts. And when time goes on a couple constantly struggles to keep the peace, the tolerance and that relationship that started once with a bright spark, or a witty comment, or something more romantic, less romantic. Whichever way, that starting moment would become something meaningful and important for the whole relationship with each other.
Consider yourself lucky and blessed when you get a partner that is decent enough. Though, every relationship is not without their flaws. Partners get to see each other's differences and how many differences you will see depends on how far apart your personality is with your partner. What if the differences are so many that you start to doubt the relationship?
Every plan you plan, every passion you have, you have to carefully construct your words and your thoughts so that the other party understands you- feel you, just because both your view points are total opposites. Sometimes it is amusing; learning something new about your partner. Sometimes, it takes that one big, tiring step. By the end of the day you just want to retire and have a good rest. What if this happens time and time again?
You have got a decent guy. Define your 'decent'. Someone who pays for your meals? Someone who pays for the date? Someone who doesn't cheat, doesn't lie, doesn't take advantage of you? Someone who, in the eyes of many, is a stable person when it comes to relationships? Decent meaning that person takes care of everything physical for you; money, food, caresses, sweet kisses, etc?
What if decent is not enough?
Hearing these words, I really do thank God and appreciate it. A person who loves you, respects you and tries for you is really something special. We don't run into these kind of people everyday and anytime.
It is so easy to fall in love. One simple flattering word, one meaningful action, sweet sentences and apologies when things go wrong- they all are our love catalysts. And when time goes on a couple constantly struggles to keep the peace, the tolerance and that relationship that started once with a bright spark, or a witty comment, or something more romantic, less romantic. Whichever way, that starting moment would become something meaningful and important for the whole relationship with each other.
Consider yourself lucky and blessed when you get a partner that is decent enough. Though, every relationship is not without their flaws. Partners get to see each other's differences and how many differences you will see depends on how far apart your personality is with your partner. What if the differences are so many that you start to doubt the relationship?
Every plan you plan, every passion you have, you have to carefully construct your words and your thoughts so that the other party understands you- feel you, just because both your view points are total opposites. Sometimes it is amusing; learning something new about your partner. Sometimes, it takes that one big, tiring step. By the end of the day you just want to retire and have a good rest. What if this happens time and time again?
You have got a decent guy. Define your 'decent'. Someone who pays for your meals? Someone who pays for the date? Someone who doesn't cheat, doesn't lie, doesn't take advantage of you? Someone who, in the eyes of many, is a stable person when it comes to relationships? Decent meaning that person takes care of everything physical for you; money, food, caresses, sweet kisses, etc?
What if decent is not enough?
Here's a peek at something I've been working on for quite some time. I've procrastinated, got seduced and lead away from studying and assignment finishing by one simple little character.
Hm, bad graphics. However, I'm quite excited actually. I foresee this will be a long term project. Creativity always ambushes me at the wrong time.
Hm, bad graphics. However, I'm quite excited actually. I foresee this will be a long term project. Creativity always ambushes me at the wrong time.
I'm a procrastinator. No new news there.
Then I finally got the mood to work on my assignment that is due tomorrow and started sitting at the computer at 7:30P.M.
Here I stare at the screen (opening multiple tabs as usual) and blink, blink! WTH 11:09P.M! I can actually hear some of you cursing at me in your head, "Then why are you still blogging? Go do your freaking assignment!"
Just wanted to say something... Internet kills your time. A LOT of time, especially when you know what are the right links to click. Okay, enough ranting. Back to work.
Toodles!
Then I finally got the mood to work on my assignment that is due tomorrow and started sitting at the computer at 7:30P.M.
Here I stare at the screen (opening multiple tabs as usual) and blink, blink! WTH 11:09P.M! I can actually hear some of you cursing at me in your head, "Then why are you still blogging? Go do your freaking assignment!"
Just wanted to say something... Internet kills your time. A LOT of time, especially when you know what are the right links to click. Okay, enough ranting. Back to work.
Toodles!
What do we do when we have a hard choice to make? Be it leaving a loved one or doing something you originally intended not to do (but it is necessary)? I would have happily give you answers and choices to make that would make your life easier... if only I've found it.
If only it were easy as this...
Face the facts; with hard choices, there's no easy way. It's either you do it or you don't. I find myself always and constantly stuck in this period. No matter how much I pray, how much I cry or how much I ponder, I never get far. I thank God that whatever it is, I still have the strength to smile and to carry on my daily life and not cling to the bed, complaining I cannot go on or worse yet, drop everything I've learnt and revert to my old, mundane ways. I also thank God for supportive friends whom are always there, caring and helping me lift my moods.
I hope that I can do something for them as well. No matter how small the deed, I hope that one day I am able to make a better difference in their lives. Hope they don't see that I take their kindness and cares to my advantage. For future implications, if I ever gave that impression, just slap me. I never intended for that to happen.
My elder brother told me and gave me the impression that he thinks I am one that sits down and wait to be pampered. He worries that in future, I could not handle my life. While that may hold some truth, I would never want to be the only one on the receiving end and I have a belief that I can handle my life (the problem is whether would it be the hard way or the easy way). That much, I hope he knows. Although growing older means I have to take more responsibilities I'm not really ready for yet, I'm not as spoilt as he thinks or as weak as he thinks.
As for Hard Choices, I made up my mind that although you are an incredible pain in the back, you are necessary for my growth. And guess what? I'm not backing down and I'm beating you one step, albeit small, at a time.
If only it were easy as this...
Face the facts; with hard choices, there's no easy way. It's either you do it or you don't. I find myself always and constantly stuck in this period. No matter how much I pray, how much I cry or how much I ponder, I never get far. I thank God that whatever it is, I still have the strength to smile and to carry on my daily life and not cling to the bed, complaining I cannot go on or worse yet, drop everything I've learnt and revert to my old, mundane ways. I also thank God for supportive friends whom are always there, caring and helping me lift my moods.
I hope that I can do something for them as well. No matter how small the deed, I hope that one day I am able to make a better difference in their lives. Hope they don't see that I take their kindness and cares to my advantage. For future implications, if I ever gave that impression, just slap me. I never intended for that to happen.
My elder brother told me and gave me the impression that he thinks I am one that sits down and wait to be pampered. He worries that in future, I could not handle my life. While that may hold some truth, I would never want to be the only one on the receiving end and I have a belief that I can handle my life (the problem is whether would it be the hard way or the easy way). That much, I hope he knows. Although growing older means I have to take more responsibilities I'm not really ready for yet, I'm not as spoilt as he thinks or as weak as he thinks.
As for Hard Choices, I made up my mind that although you are an incredible pain in the back, you are necessary for my growth. And guess what? I'm not backing down and I'm beating you one step, albeit small, at a time.
Comparing myself now to my 17 year old self, I have less inspiration to write, much less blog. All of my stories that I've started does not have an ending and has been laying in the "Write" folder for eons now. I wonder what made my inspirations run away from me? Perhaps the juices in my head are all dried up. Perhaps I've turned lazy. Perhaps I have too many things to do. Perhaps, perhaps. Meh.
For the fun of it, I'll try to see if I can update every two days. Major challenge. Assignments due and finals coming up. I quite dislike 2nd year of degree. It's draining!
Now what shall I blog about next?
For the fun of it, I'll try to see if I can update every two days. Major challenge. Assignments due and finals coming up. I quite dislike 2nd year of degree. It's draining!
Now what shall I blog about next?
I think most of us constantly find out ways to define what we think as love. We compare it to the movies, compare it to our parents, compare it to actions. But somehow we fail to grasp the true meaning of it and are never satisfied.
I came across this video and I think that it truly defines what we seek as 'love'. The one, true love. For the people whom I love and everyone out there, this is a wonderful song by Jaeson Ma.
I came across this video and I think that it truly defines what we seek as 'love'. The one, true love. For the people whom I love and everyone out there, this is a wonderful song by Jaeson Ma.
In
Unfair
It feels so unfair. Unfair that I care so much about your opinion but you barely bother about mine.
It's just imbalanced.
It's just imbalanced.
Funny how when you're in a dream and it makes so much sense with so much purpose. Then when you wake up, especially from an exciting dream, you feel the sense of urgency. Later, it slowly fades away as you start to realise that the dream was very silly and you can barely recall what it was that was so important. I was browsing my desktop for study notes when I found a document titled "In a party". Wondering when I managed to write a new story, I opened it.
Scanning through the first few lines, I wondered when I had this particular document. It did not make any sense and there were random people jumping in. Punctuations and grammar were not even in the right place. It had even more action than my other stories. Then, ding! I remembered that I had once woken up in a sense of urgency and quickly typed out what I remember about the dream after washing up. Below is what I wrote...
In a party… when Wayne suddenly got this premonition about the earth quake. His head(near his left eye there is a scar) hurts and he explains while crying that he actually got this when Adeline pushed him down last time. Since then he has been able to tell if there was an earthquake. But it was so minor. Until that day that it was so painful… and he sobbed "We’re going to die."
I pressume I woke up after that. I also notice that in this dream, I was being the "heroine". Most of the time with dreams such as these, my top priority was running away. There's a theory I came up with that running away from something means running away from problems. If this theory is true, then what I did in my dream would mean I've started face my problems.
It's a good change, no?
Scanning through the first few lines, I wondered when I had this particular document. It did not make any sense and there were random people jumping in. Punctuations and grammar were not even in the right place. It had even more action than my other stories. Then, ding! I remembered that I had once woken up in a sense of urgency and quickly typed out what I remember about the dream after washing up. Below is what I wrote...
In a party… when Wayne suddenly got this premonition about the earth quake. His head(near his left eye there is a scar) hurts and he explains while crying that he actually got this when Adeline pushed him down last time. Since then he has been able to tell if there was an earthquake. But it was so minor. Until that day that it was so painful… and he sobbed "We’re going to die."
Just then we saw the ground spilt into a small hole and bright red lava was coming out of it. Adeline and I sprang into action. No idea why we didn’t warn people when we should have… we climbed rooftops and went further away from the scene. I warned Eng Yew through SMS while I was maneuvering through the many rooftops. After that we were on the ground and my brother came with a Kancil in full speed. Asked me to hurry get into the car. We were to escape the lava. I went to get Adeline, told her that I was going, hoping she would follow me. I don’t know if she did but once I got in the car, that was it. My brother drove away and we were headed our way to KL. He took a short cut to save time. But we got to a point (somewhere near Tesco) that further down the road, it was already in fire. There was no way to maneuver around it. Lava was catching up in our direction. It already did and went further up. My brother tried to maneuver around the lava, did a U-turn and returned to the place where we departed from to get his wife and other people?.
I wanted to save Adeline. I asked to return. And we tried to get inside but our path was blocked with lava. I found a way. We used motorbikes. And went underground (secret passage) and up to a… bank? And I was screaming to people to get out to get out. The guards helped me as well and showed the way to the underground passage. Almost everyone was out but I saw someone pass a small thing over to somebody else in a discreet way. I predict a betrayal later on. In the passage, there was this old lady, supposedly a wise shaman of that sort. She has passed out and couldn’t wake up. I asked someone to carry her. We went down a half level and there sat two or three kids. Who had fallen from the flights and supposedly got their legs broken. I checked, slowly… but it was only a twist.
I couldn’t remember what happened next.
I pressume I woke up after that. I also notice that in this dream, I was being the "heroine". Most of the time with dreams such as these, my top priority was running away. There's a theory I came up with that running away from something means running away from problems. If this theory is true, then what I did in my dream would mean I've started face my problems.
It's a good change, no?
