Is bullshit.

Not now. I'm just not ready.

I keep wanting to turn back. Can't tell if I'm being stupid.

Jokes we make together can actually hurt sometimes. I pretend the hurt isn't there, but it dangles itself in front of me and laughs because it knows I can't reach out to it and swipe it away.

Then sometimes, there's this look he gives me. I don't understand. I have lost the ability to read his facial expressions. That long stare, with no smiles. Was he missing me or was he just wondering if I was coping well?

And people said I look strong or that I seem to be coping well. I've successfully fooled them. It was just me putting back the bricks of my defences, one by one, only to hide inside that fort to just curl up and shut my eyes real tight when a canon hits.

Being friends with an ex feels like the story isn't over yet. Like when one fantastic blockbuster movie comes out and people anticipate a sequel. Then the waiting game. Will or will not there be a sequel?