I went for an "interview" I didn't really want to go to today and I pushed the uneasiness away.
The "interview" felt so weird. The moment it started, a camera pointed at me and I could only give an awkward smile. If I get this, I'd be advocating something I so hate. Why do it? "Think about the money...". I guess the one main thing that kept me hanging on to this side job.
Seems as if nowadays I'm doing things that are opposite of what I really want inside. I dreamt a big dream and I have to push myself toward completing it. It's hard. It really is when one by one, the people close to you, being companions in this race, leaves your side and pursue their own happiness.
Am I pursuing my own happiness? I don't really know. I know I'm arranging and controlling whatever happens now for my imagined future happiness, but will I really be happy about what I did or do... that's another question.
All I know for now is, to survive, all I got to do is just push.
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