Do you know how is it like being the youngest? You're considered the 'baby' in the family. Growing up, your brother or sister doesn't want you to immitate what they do because it irritates them whereas they can immitate their own idols. Your parents will be more careful with you because they've gone through their older children and 'learn' from their mistakes. Your older brother and sister get to enjoy stuff like hanging out, driving, getting away with most stuff but when it comes to the youngest, you're most likely restricted to do certain things until you're in a certain age. Your mother would like to spend time talking to your elder sister because she is much more matured than you and could do what girls do together. You're the one just sitting there listening or just tagging along.

Then as the youngest and being the only one who's ever home, you get to witness your parents fight. At a certain time in your life when you are still growing up waiting for your turn to get out of the house, you wouldn't have the whole family sitting down and enjoying dinner together because your brother is busy with his family and your sister is somewhere far away. You don't get to talk to your brother or sister because they are not there and the only companions you play with are your dogs and your computer.

Also, you get to witness your parents grow older and weaker. When that happens, they can't work. When they can't work, no income. No income, you would have to go for local U. So you can forget your dreams of staying out of Form 6, going to Taylors or APIT or HELP or whatever private colleges and universities that come to mind. Being the youngest, you would like to make your parents proud of you and to show them that you're not as careless as your older brother or sister.

But you see, that is what will stress you. Sure you were pampered when you were younger but then when you realise you want to do something selfless, you have this whole weight on your shoulders and you would not have much confidence if what you're doing is actually gonna help you or not. Especially when you're so darn lazy and you get bad luck almost everyday.

Well, at least this is what I go through.

Everyone's being mean in some ways today. I can sense the impatience, the irritance, and some even hide behind their masks. Then i realised something; everyone's hiding. Our actions and our words may be totally different from our thoughts and our feelings.

Some laugh when they don't feel like laughing and some smile so wide when they're hurting even when it's to their closest friend. Why do we do that? Do we not have enough trust?

There are motives in everything we do. So that are YOU trying to hide?

---

That was supposed to be for yesterday's post but since I didn't have the time to post it up, i brought it over to today. I still feel a little bitter today though.

Fortunately, I had some laughs as well. I went over to a friend's house today with a mission to practice our dance steps. But what we ended up doing was fooling with my camera. And it was quite a good waste of time.

the sheep and the dog.

posers!

we come to haunt you!!!

oopsy!

hmph! dun choi you.

=)

Of course, there's many more but there's too many to load. So this is to us, Dorea. Our memories will forever stay =). Note: Make sure Von comes for "practice" next time.

2007. In this year, I'll be 17. In this year, I'll be facing my SPM and a whole different thing before and after it. I feel that 2007 could be really scary. For one, lets start with SPM. My parents have hopes in me, I know, and it'll be kind of bad to disappoint them. They probably expect me to make them proud and I want to do that. I'd love to. But what's actually scary would be that I will not be able to do it. I will not be able to make them proud. What if I failed a subject? What if I don't score an A? This wouldn't make my parents proud but it would make them feel the total opposite!

After SPM, I would like to go work. Part time, of course. And then there's college to think of. It's kind of freaky to think that what you choose from here, would effect your future. I mean, what if you made the wrong choice? What if you found out that there are other stuff worth learning about and that you're in the wrong line? Furthermore, I'm still thinking on what to do. Those dreams I have, I'm afraid that it would just stay a dream. I mean, how can a cowardly, ordinary girl like me achieve such big dreams to be a concert pianist, or a singer or an actress? It's really impossible when I look at it this way. It's almost laughable. And all the friends I've come to know and love, they would be going after their dreams too and maybe we would loose contact of each other.

Also of my thoughts on this year, I would loose a friend. I would loose someone I really care about (well, I think I do care about). That would be the guy who got stuck in my head. Since we broke up, talking with each other seemed so weird. At first I cannot accept it but when I try, he doesn't seem to be normal with me. Like the fact that he only says 'Hi' to me in school when we pass by each other or just give a short smile. But when there's no one around and it's at night, smsing seem to be no problem at all. I've got advice from a couple of people to just forget it and that I'm 'Gamed Over/No Hope'. OK, so I won't be getting back with him. But what about our friendship? Is that gone too? Is his word of still being 'best friends' would just stay words? It would really suck if that happens.

I'm not saying that all that I said would happen, I'm saying that there is a big possibility it will happen. I can't predict my future. No one can predict theirs. Even if they go to some hoohaa psychic to figure out their future, I believe the result wouldn't be 100% true. Because the future is really flexible. The way you act and the choices you make, effects every bit of your future. For example, I'm sitting here. I'd probably be stuck staring at the screen through the night if I find something interesting to play. But if I get up and find something else to do, like my homework, I'd probably not touch the computer again considering how tired my head feels like. Haha.
Frankly speaking, this is just one small example. Might not be good, might give you a clear picture about what I'm talking about but for you to really understand these thoughts is to come across them yourself. So my thoughts for 2007: I fear it. But I know one thing and I should really keep this in mind; I can do anything through Him who gives me strength.