A stretch of disappointments... that lasts a few days. I know it'll all soon fade away. Maybe, one day. But is this normal? There's so many things that we don't see eye to eye. We have needs... but I'm not sure if you understand my needs? I'm not even sure if I understand your needs?

I'm not a person of complete logic. I don't go by the book and stay on the straight path the whole way. I believe in branching out and experiencing things or thinking thoughts never experienced or thought before. We make a complimenting couple... but somehow I feel that I can't fully connect emotionally with you? It could be such a long way more before I truly can.



I'm not a person who would be able to support you financially. Take me as a child in the form of a young adult, it doesn't matter. Because at the back of my head, I know I am. Yes, in some ways I am naive. I'm a complete ignorant on the wicked ways of life. But I believe in holding unto moral values. Values that I hold so dear to my heart. I believe in the term called, "Hope". Hope for me should be high... or I wouldn't even be surviving right now. Because I'm a naturally weak person. I think. With those values and hope I try to help you with, whether you actually wanted it or not.

Because I care.

But I don't know if you see it. I don't know if you realise it. I'm a person who can't do much for the physical world. I can, however, help with the psychological one. If you need a source for comfort, a source of comfortable advices, I am always here. I'm a person who'd go through great lengths, albeit stupid, to get everything to fall into place again. Because I care. I don't mind helping with your self-esteem or your current troubles. I care for your future mental health, emotional wise. But I can't do much for your pride. A pride that will grow big one day and in danger of being destroyed. If I've helped in anyway on your emotional side, I feel accomplished. I feel like I've actually been of use. Other than that, I'm utterly useless... so how do I show my love to you in a way that you understand?

I actually logged on to talk about something deeper and clearer for you to understand. But it turns out my brain is whacked. I can't form the correct sentence. I'm repeating myself. Words are lost.

My words are always lost.

I'm sorry for that. For not making you understand.

And why is it that we sometimes make decisions that we said we wouldn't make? I used to dislike people like that. They who say one thing but do the other. I called them hypocrites. However, for now I find myself being just like the people I dislike. I guess now I understand how is it like when you're faced with a dilemma. I'm sure everyone reading this has, at certain time, been an "I won't do that" person to someone who did it later on. What is the main reason that we do these things anyway? Did we just end up making the wrong choice? Or are we now finally understanding how it is to be in a certain situation?

Were we thinking straight? For example, I had a friend who said that she wouldn't give out her virginity easily. But somehow, along the way in a short term relationship with a boy, there goes it. Makes me wonder about the people who were/are like my friend (The focus here isn't my friend, but the decision she made. Remember, DECISION!). What were they thinking? Did the guy give pressure? Was it something done semi-consciously? Or did something happen and things just got desperate?



I wonder what drives us to make a decision we say we wouldn't. Desperation? Thought was the right thing? A sudden lost of rationality? The Devil attacked? I wonder how many times we regret making those decisions. I know I've done a load of things that I say I wouldn't. Sometimes I regret them, sometimes I feel scared and sometimes I question myself, "Did I just do that? Was it the right thing? Was it worth?". But the main fact is, I've become a hypocrite.

Who isn't anyway?